Untouched Scars
by Vicky May
Summary: Katie's school was taken over by terrorists - and now she is scarred, mentally and physically. She is sent to La Plush to 'heal' and is imprinted on. However, the imprinting has issues. How can two people love each other when both hate themselves so much?
1. Prologue

**I was bored, so started this fic. Below is a selection of newspaper articles, by the way.**

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**The Daily Mail**** - 5****th**** March - 45p**

**Hardwick School Take Hostage by Terrorists **

**Hardwick School in Glasgow, Scotland, was taken over by terrorists at 1.36 PM yesterday.**** The terrorists boarded up the doors and windows and herded the students and staff into the gym hall, where they were told to wait at gunpoint. The terrorists have demanded that the Prime Minister come and see them immediately, otherwise they will shoot one person every five hours.**

**So far they have shot two people - a teacher and a 17 year old student - and the Prime Minister is hurrying on his way from Germany to meet their demands.**

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**The Daily Mail**** - 8****th**** March - 45p**

**Hardwick Hostage Continues**

**19 students have been shot dead by the terrorists at Hardwick School. The Prime Minister has been negotiating strenuously for the past 4 days but the terrorists are being deliberately evasive, refusing to answer his questions.**

**Rumours from outside the school are along the lines that as well as shooting there has been torture and rape, and although the government has been trying to squash these 'silly and unnecessary rumours' the parents and sisters and brothers of those trapped inside the school hold their hands and pray their loved ones are safe.**

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**The Daily Mail - ****11****th**** March - 45p**

**Will it ever End?**

**The terrorists have demanded that the Prime Minister come inside the building, and if he does they will release 5 children every hour. The Prime Minister stated he would only go inside if they stopped shooting children – and for all that's merciful the shootings have stopped. Negotiations have been going on for 6 days, and so far, no solution has been found.**

**The Prime Minister is preparing to go inside this evening.**

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**The Daily Mail - 12****th**** March - 45p**

**Terrorists Stopped – With 144 Students Dead**

**The parents wait eagerly outside the school, searching the crowds of children running out ****for their child. When a mother sees her son she runs forward and grasps him in a hug, whispering and crying as they both cling together. When a father realizes his daughter is not among the released students he breaks down and cries, his hope dashed by the sound of a gunshot. The streets echo with the crying of mourning families as the town holds a united funeral for the 144 students and staff who were shot at the school. **

**It has been reported a group of five students especially, whose names are being withheld under their rights, were treated to indescribable horror. One student told how she saw a girl being used to sharpen their daggers on. "They made her strip naked before carving into her body with their knives." She sobbed. "And then they raped her. And then again and again and again."**

**One thing is for certain. The terrorists that now await trail will be sentenced to life – or shot dead when they return to their own country.**

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**Review please!**

**xx**


	2. Self Loathing

**Summary**

**Katie was put through torture when her school was taken hostage by terrorists. She lives in constant fear and pain, so when she is moved to the American reservation of La Plush she is afraid of what people will think. **

**Katie doesn't believe she will ever be loved, even if she loved them back. So when she is imprinted on, it takes all of that one werewolf's strength and love to get past his own obstacles and convince her that love exists, and he loves her.**

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Ever since that day, I don't like being touched.

The marks on my skin tingle whenever someone gets to close, and when someone does touch me, by accident or intentional meaning, they burn with fiery intensity, searing right through my veins.

I am plagued by nightmares of that day.

Even after the therapists and the weeks that have passed, it still won't leave me alone – like a wound that never heals, or a scab that refuses to leave until you scratch it. And then it grows again.

Looking back, I can see why my mother abandoned me – I can see why she couldn't love me anymore. It's hard to love something completely unlovable.

Sometimes I feel like there's no point living – my body is ruined regardless of the surgery I was given, and the scars on my neck make people avoid me. Everyone thinks I'm unstable – and to tell you the truth, sometimes I think I am too.

So here I am, sitting on this plan, cringing away from the old lady beside me. I am being sent away to 'heal' in a 'nice little reservation with my Aunt Sue.'

Apparently, it'll be good for me to 'make new friends' and 'go away from Scotland.'

However far away I go, the nightmares will follow. This is also why I am awake now. I had a nightmare.

Everyone else is asleep around me. Pity. I like to people watch – which is watching people interact with each other.

I also like to swim. Before the…the incident, I was in the Scotland swimming team. Swimming makes me feel graceful and beautiful.

Well. Used to.

The chlorine stings my scares, and because of the shot wound in my side I won't be swimming for a year. They kicked me out – and were glad of it. When I went to practice and took off my clothes to reveal my swimsuit, everyone stared.

And my instructor, Mick, asked me if I could put my clothes on and go home because it was 'distracting the other girls.'

To this very day my eyes fill up with tears whenever I think of that.

My hand reaches up and touches the side of my neck, hidden by a turtleneck sweater. I trace the interlacing scars, my hands trembling.

I am ugly. On the inside and on the outside. My mind is like a cage, and my body is like a map of what happened to me. Why can't I just go to sleep and never wake up?

I close my eyes and try to sleep again.

Because frankly, anything's better than my current reality.

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The airport isn't very crowded, so when I lug my two bags behind me I allow myself to wince and grit my teeth. They're heavy enough so when I drag them along they pull at my barely healing wound. I stop for a breather and look around. I didn't see anyone apart from a few policemen, and this made me nervous. They had guns. I started to shake. One of them noticed me and started walking towards me. No, please no. I started to hyperventilate, praying for something to save me.

"Katie?"

I turn around to see a woman and her children – well, adult children. Jeeze, they were huge! – standing behind her. I assumed this must be Sue Clearwater.

"Sue Clearwater?" I asked quietly.

She threw her arms around me.

And I panicked.

I struggled immediately, pushing her away. She reacted instantly, stepping back. I wrapped my arms around myself, lowering my eyes to the floor. I didn't know how much she knew.

"Sorry. You pressed on my…er, wound from…um…cliff diving."

Sue understood instantly. "Ah, I remember. Don't worry, we'll make a quick stop at Forks Hospital, I know a good doctor there. These are my rather unruly children, Seth and Leah."

Seth bounded up to me and offered his hand. I stared at it before reaching out hesitantly to take it. He shook it up and down, but when I started to pull it away he held on. And frowned. And then turned my hand over to reveal one of my mildest scars – two interlacing lines going down my palm and disappearing under my sweater. Seth let go, but not before glancing quickly at me.

"As my mum said, I'm Seth. How old are you, Katie?"

"Sixteen. And can you call me Kate?"

Leah snorted. I cringed.

"Leah!" Sue scolded. "Help Kate with her bags – they look heavy."

Seth handed Leah one before picking up the other one as easy as picking up a piece of paper. Leah plain ignored me when she passed me, and I cringed. I pulled my sweater sleeves up so they covered my palms.

I hoped she wouldn't be nasty to me.

Because I really wouldn't be able to handle it.

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The drive was long and mostly silent; Sue and Seth kept chattering on about La Plush and how great it was. I was glad it was small. I've always wanted to live in a small, protected reservation than a huge city, even if it is temporary. But then Seth asked me a question, so I had to start concentrating again.

"Sorry?"

"So, you lived in Glasgow, right? Where Hardwick school was under hostage?"

I stiffened. Sue shot Seth a warning look, but he didn't see it. I swallowed and looked down at my hands. "Um…yea."

"Cool." Said Seth, unaware of my uncomfortable stance and oncoming hysteria. "Did you know anyone, like, in it?"

I clenched my eyes shut and faced the window. I will _not_ cry. I will _not_ cry. Along with the sadness came a flash of anger, and I snapped to him, "Look, I'm tired. Can you stop asking me questions?"

Seth looked hurt, like I'd just slapped him in the face. He retreated to the backseat and sat in silence, and when I looked back Leah growled at me.

As in literally pulled back her teeth and _growled_, like a dog.

Okay, I think I should apologize.

"Look, Seth, I'm really sorry…"

As I twisted to look at him, the car swerved, causing something on my side to break. I felt the stitching stretch and rip, along with the bandaging. I let out a shriek and put my hands on it, bending over to stop the pain.

"Sue?" I managed through gritted teeth. "Can we go to the hospital now?"

"We're just on there, honey." Sue looked worried and determined at the same time, an odd combination.

"What's wrong, Kate? You don't look that good…" And then Seth did the weirdest thing. He stopped speaking and sniffed the air, his nostrils flaring. "Hey, are you _bleeding_?"

"Here we are!" Sue all but leapt out of the driver's seat and went to help me out of the passenger seat, but Seth was already there, lifting me into his arms. I would have worried at how close I was to a person, but I was in too much pain. It was like ripping me in half then using scissors to chop up the remaining pieces. I heard some talking above me before I was placed on a bed, and wheeled away into a room.

"Sue! What a pleasure to see you. Who is this?" A voice, like melting honey, sounded above me.

"Edward!" Seth said happily. "This is my mum's friend's daughter. And she's bleeding, and I dunno why."

"Seth, Leah, please go into the waiting room. I want to talk to Edward and Carlisle, when he gets her."

I heard them leave the room, then I heard someone come in. I assumed this was Carlisle.

"Carlisle." Sue whispered. "Kate was in the Hardwick school hostage, and she came out with a wound in her side. She wouldn't talk to her mother or the doctors. So she was sent to me for a holiday - well, extended holiday. Reading between the lines, it was meant to be long term. But anyway, her wound opened again – can you stitch it up?"

"Certainly. However she will need to take off her top half of clothes."

I felt that familiar fear grip me at the thought. No. please, no. Not in front of Sue.

"Kate?" Edward's voice sounded by my ear. "Open your eyes, if you can."

I gingerly opened them, and stared up in awe stuck silence.

I was in a room of gods. Edward had messy bronze hair and golden eyes, with a face that was kind yet reserved. It looked like he was constantly thinking something over, or listening to something. The funny thing was, he looked like he was doing two things at once – listening to an unknown source and being able to talk to those around him.

Carlisle was fatherly and gentlemanly. He had a gentle and kind look on his face, with blond hair and golden eyes just like Edward. He looked like the perfect doctor – concerned, gentle and peaceful. "Can you sit up?" he asked.

I nodded before gingerly pushing myself into a sitting position, ignoring the flares of pain. Edward winced, and I glanced curiously at him.

"Let me help you, honey." Sue came forward, and I sucked in a sharp breath.

"No."

Sue stopped and lowered her hands. "Sorry, dear?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to be mean to her, but I didn't want her to see. I didn't want anyone to see, period, but I trusted doctor to patient confidentiality. Edward must be his apprentice or something.I couldn't have Sue see my body. I didn't know her. And I didn't want to see the pity shining in her eyes whenever I look at her. I couldn't stand that.

So I took a deep breath and said, "No offense, Sue. It's just that…I don't want you to see."

"See what?" Sue looked confused.

Then Edward stepped in. "Sue, I'm sorry to say it's doctor to patient confidentiality. Could you please step outside?"

Sue looked at Carlisle and Edward before finally resting on my face. "If that's what you want…"

She left without any further words, closing the door behind her.

"Right, I am going to have to ask you to take off your clothes on your top half – not including your bra, of course."

Taking a deep breath – _he won't hurt you, relax, relax_ – I slowly pulled my sweater off. Carlisle stiffened when he saw the scars on my neck, but I ignored him. Edward came forward to help me take my long sleeved shirt off, but I stopped with my fingers around the bottom of my shirt.

I looked up into Edward's eyes. I was scared. I haven't let anyone seen these scars since the day I left the hospital. I was scared of their reactions, then the pity, then the revulsion.

"We won't judge anything we see, Katie." Edward whispered.

Looking up into his eyes, I saw trust. So I removed my shirt.

I heard them both gasp, and I clenched my eyes shut. The scars from my palms stopped about halfway to my elbow, and ended with a bruise. My right shoulder had scars interlacing to the right side of my neck, before continuing down my back. I thanked the gods that my left side of my neck and arm were unblemished. Under my bra straps it looked like an animal had dragged his claws across my back, and curved his way across to my lower abdomen before stopping. My right side was also covered in bandages and gauze – from when Ahdi got angry and slammed a knife into me. There were three big scars running from my right breast down to my right hip. The doctor in Glasgow told me I looked like I'd been savaged by an animal.

But I knew better.

His name had been Ahdi. And I still remember the sadistic pleasure on his face as he used his knives to perfect his masterpiece – on my body.

_"Like a lion."_ He told me, his eyes shining. _"I am like a lion. So you will have my scars from my claws."_

He wasn't the one who raped me. Oh no. That had been a man I refused to learn the name off – regardless how much his face was imprinted on my mind.

"Katie…" Edward breathed. I turned my head away.

"Please just stitch me up." I whispered.

I refused the painkillers and sat in silence as they removed the bandages and stitched me up. I refused to look in their eyes. When they finished I pulled my clothes on again, wincing as they scraped past my raw scars.

"Come back for a check-up every week." Carlisle said softly. "And here is some cream for your scars. Put it on daily; maybe get someone to help you."

I nodded and stood, taking the cream. "Thank you."

I wasn't just saying thank you for stitching me up. I was saying thank you for not saying anything, for not judging me.

"You're welcome." Edward told me.

I turned and walked out of the door towards the dressing room. But I was stopped when I heard my name.

"Katie." Edward approached me, and knelt before me. He took my hands in his, and looked at me intently. "You are not ugly. Nor is it your fault at what happened. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and were so harshly treated it's a miracle you are alive. You are not weak. You are strong. Possibly the strongest person I have ever met. So please, learn to smile. It would make your already beautiful face radiant."

I stared at him. My mind was sluggish, and I shook my head before withdrawing my hands. I turned to go, but stopped again.

"She's a very lucky girl." I said to him softly. His eyes widened. "Don't let her go. She is very lucky to have you – she must be very beautiful."

Edward smiled. "She is."

This time I turned and walked to the waiting room without turning back, my head held high and a slight smile on my face.

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**Review Please!**

**It's sad at the start, but it will be happier as it goes on.**

**:)**


	3. Similiar scars but different face

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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I could tell both Leah and Seth were bursting with curiosity, but Sue ignored them as she put an arm around my shoulders to lead me outside. "Are you okay, dear?" She whispered as she helped me into the car.

"As okay as I'll ever be." I said calmly.

For some reason, I was oddly relaxed.

The environment around me was filled with dark forests and tall trees. La Plush was a small little reservation, but that was okay with me. I liked small. Small is manageable.

We drove up a short drive to a small house with a red car out the front. It looked homey – meant for a family.

"Seth will get your bags, dear. Come, I'll show you your room."

Leah swept past me inside, and I shied away as she came too close. She gave me a look as if to say, '_you really are a freak'_ but didn't comment.

The room Sue led me to was nice – if a bit small. The double bed and the huge porch windows were the biggest things there, no joke. There was a mirror behind the door, and a chest of drawers and a wardrobe pushed against the wall.

"Thanks, Sue." I thanked her quietly.

Sue reached out for me as if to hug me, but stopped halfway and put her hand gently on my elbow. It took all of my willpower not to shake it off.

"I know it's hard." She murmured. "And I know you think your mother hates you. But she doesn't."

I looked at the floor. "How do you know that?" I whispered brokenly.

Sue sighed and looked down too. We both admired the floor before meeting each others eyes.

"She sent you here because you'll be safe." She said. "Did she not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I was utterly confused.

Sue regarded me for a moment before glancing at her watch. "It's late." She started to move, but I stumbled forward, wanting to know.

"What? What didn't she tell me?" I demanded.

Sue pursed her lips. "You…you were born here." She opened my door, leaning against it. "Goodnight, Kate."

And then she slowly closed the door.

I looked at myself in the mirror. With my coloured skin and black hair, I could be my mother's double. Unlike her, however, I was skinny, skeleton like. Ever since the…the hostage I've never really gotten into eating again. I just don't feel hungry anymore.

Unlike my mother, I also have my father's eyes – while hers are so dark brown they're almost black, my eyes are amber, like a cats.

Swallowing hard, I changed and crawled into bed, hoping I wouldn't have another nightmare.

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"Kate…Kate…_Kate_!"

I wrenched my eyes open and slapped the hand away, falling onto the ground. My wound screamed in agony as I did so, and my scars throbbed painfully. I slowly came around, and was staring up at Seth from the floor beside the bed.

"Sorry to startle you." He said cheerfully. "Mum says breakfast is ready – and considering it's Saturday, she's wondering if you'll like to go and visit some of our friends."

He held out his hand to help me up, but I refused it, pulling myself up. "Thanks." I murmured.

Once I was dressed I wandered downstairs to the kitchen, where pancakes were sitting on the table. Leah was already there, wolfing down her meal like there was no tomorrow. Seth was trying to nick some more pancakes off Sue, and as I hovered in the doorway I felt strangely out of place.

"Seth! Sit down and wait for Kate to get here, you miserable mutt! Why don't you pha– hi, Kate!" she said brightly, shoving Seth out the way. "Please, sit down. I hope you like pancakes."

Actually, I was surprisingly hungry. I ate three pancakes before feeling full, and as I washed it down with some milk Sue came up to me, all smiles and happy.

"Would you like to meet my friend, Emily? She's married to Sam Uley – who is a much respected man in our tribe – and I'm sure she'll be delighted to meet you…"

"Um…" I hedged. I was terrible with new people – I always seemed to mess up greetings and the awkward first half hour. "Well…okay." I caved at the look on her face – the hope shining in her eyes made me crumble. "Will there be many…many people?" I asked curiously.

"Just a few others." She said airily. "Thanks, Kate – I'll tell Emily to expect us!"

That is why I am standing outside a house, with the Clearwaters in front of me. I gripped my hands together uneasily. I could hear lots of voices, and laughter, and the occasional clinking of plates. Taking a deep breath, I followed them in.

The first impression I got was skin – there were so many people here I couldn't believe it. It went all quiet when I appeared, and as I was stared at I began to fidget.

"Guys, this is Kate." Sue said loudly. "Be nice. I'll be with Emily in the kitchen, dear." She said to me, before disappearing. People began to talk again, and then the introductions began.

There was a married couple, Kim and Jared, with their seven year old son, Jack. Kim seemed shy but loving, and Jared balanced her out by being loud and boisterous. Another married couple, Paul and Rachel, had six year old twins called Mary and Matt – I found their matching names funny – and they seemed perfect, too.

Another two people – who weren't married or a couple, thankfully – were Quil and Claire. Claire was sixteen, and while Quil was huge he assured me he was sixteen too.

Collin and Brady were both single – something they both kept assuring me of – and apparently two other boys, Embry and a boy I never got the name of – where on an extended camping trip.

A little girl came running up to me, holding up her arms. I hesitated before picking her up, putting her on my good knee. "Hello." I whispered to her. "What's your name?"

"Awice." She giggled, swinging her legs.

Ah. She must mean Alice.

"What a pretty name." I lightly kissed her nose, and she squealed in delight. "How old are you, honey?"

"Four." Alice proudly held out five fingers, and I put one down before nodding at her.

"Wow – that's a big age!"

"Yup." She spotted someone behind me, and scrambled to get down. "Daddy! Daddy!"

I let her go, and watched as she ran to a man as muscled as the others. He must be her father. That theory was proved correct when she leapt into his arms, and he rained kisses down on her face. She started jabbering, much between baby talk and English, before a woman came in from the kitchen. "Sam." She smiled.

And I stared.

Along the side of her face were angry red scars that stopped at the side of her mouth, giving her expression a lopsided grimace.

She was scarred. Just like me.

The room fell silent when she turned to face me, her hand outstretched. "Hi," She chirped. "I'm Emily. You must be Kate?"

Everyone seemed to hold their breath as I looked at her, seeing past the scars. She had a kind and caring soul; with a love in her life she adored with all her heart. I felt inspired all of a sudden, and stepped forward.

And in front of everyone, I gave her a firm hug.

Everyone relaxed, and as I released her I smiled at her. "You look like someone I know." I said quietly. "She's very beautiful."

Emily smiled, and I saw how much her face lit up at my compliment. "Thank you, Kate. Come, we need to get you some food before the boys eat a lot."

The people around me were loud and boisterous. The children ran around, playing tag or some other chasing game, and the men occasionally broke into wrestling matches.

I found it really claustrophobic.

That's why in the middle of the meal – Jesus, these people can eat! – I stood up and stole away out the back door.

No one noticed. At least I _think_ they didn't.

I walked out into the garden and started to follow a well worn path into the forest. I'd always liked the tall, sturdy trees I'd found in books – we didn't have any in Glasgow. Twigs cracked underfoot as I glimpsed sand ahead of me, and started to run. When I finally cleared the last line of trees I slowed down, catching my breath. The sun was setting, and it was a gorgeous sunset. I started walking along the beach, probably getting sand in my shoes. As I casually looked out into the sea, I stopped.

And stared.

Two Quileute men were swimming in the ocean, one laughing while the other growled. They finally came to shore, one of the taller ones shaking his head, like a dog. Water landed on me, and I gave an _eep_.

Two heads shot to look at me, and I felt caught, like prey. I started to edge away, feeling scared, when the taller one made an indescribable noise at the back of his throat. I stopped, puzzled.

"Um, hey." The smaller on said. "Who are you?"

I swallowed hard, trying to get my vocal cords to work. "K…Kate."

"Kate." The tall one whispered, as in a trance. He was promptly shoved by his friend, who bounded forward, hand outstretched. I took a step back, sucking air in between my clenched teeth. He stopped, confused, and the taller one suddenly got angry. He pushed him aside roughly, _growled_ at him, before turning to me.

His eyes were like burning embers, warm and hypnotizing to watch. He walked very slowly towards me, his hand gradually extended. "Hey." He murmured. His voice was rough, like he hadn't spoken in months. "I'm…I'm Jacob."

I stared at his hand before steeling myself to take it. _This isn't Glasgow. This is just a greeting. Calm down. Shake his hand._

I inched my hand up, taking deep breaths. His eyes never left mine, burningly reassuring. I bit my tongue and grasped his hand, shaking it up and down.

Jacob suddenly pulled me against his shirtless chest, his skin burning. I clenched my eyes shut, waiting for the flashbacks and fear, but they never came. I relaxed slowly, realizing he had his face in my hair, breathing in. The smell of pine and fresh dirt invaded my senses, and I closed my eyes for a moment, drinking it in.

And that's when my brain caught up with my actions, and I let out a low gasp. A face swarmed in my mind, sneering, and I struggled to get out of the way, whimpers escaping my throat.

"Embry!" Jacob cried in confusion, his face a mask of horror.

The man I now knew as Embry dashed forward as a sudden shadow clouded Jacob's face, and he snarled. I let out a scream and lunged backwards, turning and running into the darkening woods. I found the trail I was on earlier and ran helter-skelter down it, whimpers and gasps making their way furiously out of my throat. Emily's house suddenly came into view, and I burst in, making everyone stare at me.

"Sue!" I cried desperately. "Sue! Can we go?"

Sue came forward and took my hand, pulling me along with her as she shouted out apologies and promises. I was bundled into a car, and I was dimly aware being strapped in by a sneering Leah. Seth and Leah got into the back, and as Sue drove out of there she asked me questions.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She demanded, looking scared.

I wrapped my arms around myself, the gesture so familiar I burst out crying. This was what I'd do after that…that _man_ had his way with me. I remember the pain, the glee on his face, how he kept on pushing and thrusting even when I begged, no, screamed, at him to stop. When he'd finish he'd leave me in the janitors closet, half naked and crying, with my arms wrapped futilely around myself, grieving my lost innocence.

"There were two men." I sobbed, my eyes squeezed shut. "One of them reminded me of _him_. He didn't stop, he never stopped, I said no but he didn't…I promise I did, mommy, but he wouldn't listen, no, no, no…"

And I was sobbing uncontrollably again, my words not making sense. A burning arm reached out to me and cradled me to their chest, and I accepted it, the flashbacks and images I'd tried to forget playing like a movie in my head. I begged for them to stop, to leave me be, to leave me alone. Finally, exhaustion made itself known, and I gladly sank into the comforting numbness of sleep.

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**So incase you havn't figured it out yet, Jacob just imprinted on Kate. He never imprinted on Nessie. The Cullens are still living in forks. And the pack are all still alive, apart from Sam has stopped phasing, and Jared and Paul will stop soon.**

**Review!**

**xx**


	4. The Truth

**Only have 4 more exams in fourth year left!**

**Woop!**

**Enjoy xx**

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When I woke, I didn't move.

Instead, I stared at the window opposite the bed where I was lying under the covers. My hair was combed back and I was in the same clothes from last night. Memories of what happened last night flooded my mind, and I clenched my eyes shut. I remember refusing to change clothes, so the warm armed person placed me on my bed and tucked the covered around me. After that, it was darkness. A hand touched my right shoulder, but I didn't roll around.

"Kate." Sue murmured gently. "Are you okay?"

I didn't say anything, overwhelmed by my embarrassing actions last night.

Sue sighed. "I know…that you were in the Hardwick Hostage." She whispered. I bit my tongue. "Your mother told me. She said something happened – but she never told me the details, only that you'd been hurt."

I kept my whole body tensed, refusing to show any emotion.

"Kate…" Sue sounded heartbroken and close to tears. "What…happened? Why won't you tell me? Darling, _please_…"

But I stayed silent.

I couldn't have her pity. Nor the horror in her eyes whenever she looked at me.

She also wouldn't understand.

I heard her stand and – after brushing a strand of hair off my face – leave the room, talking quietly to another person. Someone came and walked round to my side of the bed, and I flicked my eyes up.

Emily's scarred face stared down at me.

I don't know what moved me, or why I did. I doubt I even had conscious thought at that point. But I sat up, pushed the covers aside and stumbled out of bed, walking over to my door, closing and locking it. Emily watched me silently, a worried look on her face. I went to my wardrobe and opened it, throwing out the suitcases lying at the bottom.

"Kate…what…?"

I didn't answer Emily. I was on one thought process as I reached the bottom of the wardrobe, where a single padlocked box lay. I took it out and placed it on my bed. It was a single black box, with no designs or colour.

Like my memories of Hardwick, bleak and as terrible as the monsters at night.

After that I walked over to my chest of drawers, where a collection of jewellery was laid out. I lifted up a locket and opened it, removing a key from inside.

Emily continued to look worried. "Kate, what are you…"

She didn't finish. With trembling hands I inserted the key into the padlock and turned, the ominous clanking noise of the lock making me wince. I removed the padlock and placed both hands on either side of the box, opening it slowly.

The newspaper clippings were yellowing already, even though the incident hadn't been long ago. I heard Emily gasp, but it seemed far away, like I was dreaming. In the same trance like state I laid out everything in the box and sat on the floor, cradling the empty box in my hand.

Emily read every single newspaper clipping, her eyes growing wider and more tearful as the time passed silently. When she reached the doctors bills she frowned, lifting them up to read them.

And then she reached the final piece of paper – the abortion form I had to fill out.

Emily lifted a shaking hand to her mouth to cover up a sob, her eyes wide as she turned to me, her face horrified.

"Pregnant?" Her mouth barely moved.

I clenched my eyes shut. "Not anymore." I whispered.

And then her arms were around me as I sobbed into her arms, convulsions wracking my body as I told her everything.

The hostage. The killings. The raping. The doctors asking to have my permission to have a gynaecology exam, and me refusing. Because I didn't want them to see the bruises on my thighs. How the doctors kept quiet about the extent of my injuries and only told my mother that I had been stabbed or shot in the side. How scared I was of being pitied and treated like a leper.

And most importantly, how much I regretted having an abortion, taking away someone's life before it had even begun.

When I stopped crying and Emily wiped my tears away, she helped me stand and pack away everything back into the box, locking it with the padlock and replacing all the suitcases into the wardrobe. I showed her the cream Dr Cullen had given me, and she helped me remove my top, and bra, rubbing the cream in. I saw her face before she moved onto my back. She looked terribly upset – but not at me. She was upset _for_ me.

And that made me feel better.

When I had my clothes on and Emily drew me in for another hug, she finally spoke. "Kate, I won't tell anyone – this is not mine to tell. And I'll come to your checkups for you. But you have to do a few things for me."

I nodded against her shoulder.

"First of all, know you can trust me. I'll return every night to put the cream on, and I won't say anything to the men. Second of all, please, for me, allow a gynaecology exam. For me. There might be something you could have picked up. And finally? Please, Kate. Don't keep this locked up."

She lifted my head so I could see her face. "I could see it when you visited me yesterday. The hopelessness and pain in your eyes when you saw my scars told me you'd seem something similar to them before – only I never imagined it was your own body that had been ravaged."

She placed a soft kiss on my forehead and I closed my eyes briefly, savouring the feeling of motherly love. "Come. We'll go have breakfast, then head to Fork's hospital. Better soon then never."

And then Emily led me out of the room and downstairs, to an anxious Sue and a hot breakfast.

* * *

The gynaecology exam was terrible. I mean, a female poking around your private areas and you standing there wishing you were dead? No fun. I actually don't think I have been any more embarrassed. But Emily was there, and she held my hand the whole way through. She was there when they sent away the results, and she joined in the relieved sigh when the nurse told me I was clear.

Later that day, I helped Sue cook in the kitchen. She didn't pry, didn't mention yesterday. We chatted about meaningless things, at when Leah and Seth came in at one point they didn't talk about yesterday either. Leah sniffed the air and gave me a suspicious look, but I ignored her, panicking about the cream Emily put on my scars. It did smell kinda funky, but in a hospital, anaesthetic way.

Emily invited me along to the beach tomorrow, to go swimming with the same people yesterday. I declined kindly, wanting my wounds to heal. She understood, but gave me a reproving look when she heard me dodge out of a shopping trip with Sue. I hung my head. I knew I should get out more, but I didn't want to be found out. Ever.

Even so, I was invited to a bonfire tomorrow night, to properly meet everyone instead of 'running out on them' Seth joked.

That night, just as I was dropping off to sleep, I thought I heard wolves howling, and voices and slamming doors from downstairs. But I was so tired I ignored it and went to sleep.

I dreamed a flaming hot hand brushed away the hair on my face and stroked my cheek, and pressed their lips to my forehead. They were fiery hot, but not unpleasantly so. When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a dark sky outside my window in my empty room, the hot tingling on my forehead feeling strangely real.

* * *

**Yay!**

**She has a freind.**

**Hopefully you'll understand a little more now.**

**Don't worry - next chapter will be JPOV!**

**xx**


	5. Awakening

**Sorry it's been so long**

**Enjoy **

**xx**

* * *

**Jacob POV**

The months I spent on four legs were the most agonizing in my life. Worse than when Bella choose Edward – but only just.

When I was allowed to see Bella after her transformation, I walked in on her with her baby and Edward.

The sight of them; their gentle smiles, the love in Bella's eyes as she gazed down at her child, Edward's daughter, the half breed vampire that secured their love, their family forever...

My heart didn't just break. As well as breaking it shattered into a million pieces, and then crumbled into dust. My body shook, my vision blurred, and then the next thing I knew I was lying naked somewhere in a Canadian forest.

Embry followed me. He showed me how my wolf had completely taken over and ran without stopping, and he'd only stopped because the human half of him fainted in exhaustion.

I wanted to be left alone, but looking back, Embry had done the right thing by refusing to leave. Without him I would have lost myself completely, becoming the animal my wolf craved to be. Although us 'shape shifters' basically controlled the shape shifting, our wolves still had a say. That's why our instincts and urges are different than humans; they're animal instincts.

So Embry and I spent the next few months alternating between our two forms. We ran as wolves during the day, and at night talked over a burning fire we didn't need for warmth, only light.

Whenever I thought of Bella, my heart would ache and my eyes would burn with tears. But as time passed, the sharp pain dulled and I began to function better, began to smile, began to laugh. Although I was still unbearably miserable, I managed to shove it to the back of my mind, concentrating on many things. Embry and I became close over these months – he wasn't only my friend, he was my brother.

And finally, it was time to return home. To La Push.

It took us a few weeks – we'd travelled so far across the empty lands of America I had no idea where we were – but we followed our internal compasses and made our way back.

But when we got back, everyone was at Emily's; as usual. Nothing changed. We could hear them outside the house, but didn't want to go inside. We looked a state and smelled worse.

_Let's go wash at the beach._

Embry's voice rang in my mind.

_Race ya! _

Was my lingering reply as I bounded through the trees. He laughed and raced after me, but me being the better of the two I reached the water first. I plunged in, ignoring the salty water that stung my eyes and nose. I changed underwater and rose to the surface as a human, gasping air like it would disappear any minute.

Embry crashed into me still in his wolf form, and we tussled for a minute before he changed back. We put on our shorts – they were soaked anyway – and washed vigorously, wiping away the grime and dirt. We started swimming randomly, and Embry made a comment about me a doing the 'doggy paddle.'

I growled in mock anger, and he laughed.

We then decided to go back, mutually agreeing to see the others. I shook my head to get rid of the water in my long hair, and through the _whooshing_ of air past my ears I heard a small, musical noise.

I snapped my head up to see the most beautiful thing on the planet.

My heart stopped beating completely before starting up double that it had been before. Time completely stopped; there was only her, will ever be her. Bella was forgotten and put into the vault of vague memories, someone who no longer matter.

But the person in front of me did.

An oval face with dark skin; her dark hair cascading in waved along her shoulders and down her back. The turtleneck she wore hid the neck she had and gave way to jeans and a pair of trainers. But most captivating were her eyes. Amber eyes as hypnotising and enchanting as a cats, the most beautiful eyes in the entire world. My mouth was open, my eyes wide.

And then the angel began to edge away. Without thought I whined at the back of my throat, longing to touch her face, hold her close, protect her, love her, keep her. She looked confused.

Embry spoke quickly. "Um, hey. Who are you?"

She swallowed, the motion practically hidden by her sweater. "K...Kate."

Kate.

The most beautiful name in the world. I repeated it without meaning to. "Kate." I breathed, my eyes fixed on her.

Embry shoved me aside, eager to get to Kate. She took a step back, looking frightened. At that moment I saw red; anger washed over me so quickly I could barely think. Embry was scaring her.

_My_ soul mate.

He stopped as my anger reached palpable heights, and I pushed him aside, growling at him. _Back the fuck off. _Before turning to her.

Kate.

I walked slowly over to her, not wanting to scare her. I extended my hand, eagerly waiting for her to shake it. "Hey." I murmured. "I'm…I'm Jacob."

She stared at my hand before inching her own hand up, taking deep breaths. My eyes never left hers, trying to silently reassure her. She bit her tongue and grasped my hand, shaking it up and down.

Without consciously thinking of it, I pulled her close against my shirtless torso, holding her tight. It felt so right, so perfect. I felt her stiffen, but then she relaxed, breathing in deeply. I felt so at peace, hugging my soul mate, wishing it would last forever.

But it didn't.

She suddenly stiffened again, her breath coming in sharp gasps. She wriggled desperately, whimpers coming from her throat.

I released her, horror and pain filling me to the brim. "Embry!"

Embry dashed forward and grabbed my shoulder as she stumbled back, letting out a terrified scream. My reaction to her fear was to snarl; _where is the danger? Where?_

As my mate ran into the woods, her long hair flying, I suddenly realised.

_I_ was the danger.

_I_ was the thing she was scared of.

And then a hole opened up in my chest, the pain so intense I fell to my knees. I shifted as I screamed, wanting to run and comfort her – but she was scared of me.

I was a monster.

The screaming turned into a relentless howling; I dashed into the woods, running in endless circles to curb my pain. Voices suddenly rang in my ears as members of my pack shifted, and all started buckling in response to my pain.

_Jacob...relax...Jacob, we're here, it's ok..._

But the pain wouldn't stop. All I could see was the pure terror in her eyes as she stared up at me, the angel I had seen.

Kate.

* * *

**Kate POV**

"Please?"

"No."

"Look, Leah, I really don't want to go swimming…"

"Then don't. Stay on the sand."

"But I don't exactly want to…"

"Hang around with us?" Leah snapped. She turned the wheel angrily, passing a sign that said _La Push Beach_ on it. "Just because you're new, doesn't mean you're above us. You acted like a freak the day we went to Emily's. Suck it up and for once, smile."

She jammed on the brake and got out fluidly, leaving me clenching my fists and eyes to prevent the tears. I wasn't comfortable with Leah.

But at least she treats me normally. Not like Seth and Sue.

I walked way behind Leah, clutching my bag to my chest. It had a towel and a book, not that I was planning on swimming. The ground gave way to sand beneath my feet, and I made my way down a sandy path towards the beach. The weather was cloudy, but every now and then had sun breaking through the grey blanket.

When I arrived, the boys were in a frenzied game of football. Jack and Matty were playing as well, and I smiled as they kept tackling the big hulks of muscle. Some men constantly switched to be on the winning side, and as I watched in horror they all jumped on the smallest guy with the ball and tackled him to the ground.

"Wait for me!" Leah roared, and charged into the pile.

Leaving me clutching my bag tightly against my chest as I wondered what to do. I noticed beyond the boys there was a bonfire, and five women were cooking food. A little away from their cooking ensemble two men stood, one in a wheelchair and one a very frail old man. I hadn't met them before, so I tried not to openly stare.

I made my way to where the food was being cooked, feeling really, really nervous. One of the women looked up, and I recognized Emily. She ran over to me, hugging me gently. I stiffened, but let her. Out of everyone here, I trusted her.

"Hey," She smiled. "Good to know you're up and about, eh?"

Sue appeared carrying plates, and nodded a greeting to me. "Good, you're here. Alice was getting anxious."

"KATE!"

A dark haired pixie flung herself at my legs, making me loose my balance and fall on the sand. She instantly apologised, her large eyes worried, before I laughed and ruffled her hair, assuring her it was fine.

Apart from Emily, I also trusted the four year old.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully until the bonfire. I sat in the corner with Alice and read my book to her, looking up every now and them to see the boys getting the bonfire ready. I felt Jacob staring at me a few times – but I never looked up, just kept on reading. When the food was cooked we all sat in a circle – rather, I stayed on my rock and everyone made their way into a circle starting from me – and we ate. The conversation flowed from one topic to another, and I started to feel relaxed. I learned the man in the wheelchair was Billy, and the old man was Old Quil. The atmosphere was warm and soothing, nothing like I'd ever felt before.

"Kate." I heard Kim laugh as she leaned into Jared. "I saw your fall earlier. You should try to balance more."

"I'm more graceful in the water," The smile on my face faded as I turned back to picking at my food, the thought of swimming making me sad.

"You swim?" Paul asked, his eyebrows drawn in a mischievous line.

"Eh…used to." I stated quickly.

As if some silent signal had been rung, everyone quietened down. Their heads turned to look expectantly at Old Quil, whose bushy eyebrows rose as he drew himself up.

"The Quileute's have always been a small people." He began. I leaned forward, realizing this was the most important time of the night.

As he continued, I felt like I was seeing history with my own eyes. the words fell from Old Quil's lips and formed a picture on my mind that moved as he spoke, forming a movie. I smiled at happiness of the tribe, and clenched my fists in anger at the betrayal of their people. I held my breath as he described the Cold Ones, shuddering in fear as the woman in my mind snapped her glistening white fangs at me. Finally, I heaved a sigh of relief as the vampire was defeated, smiling as Old Quil finished up the story.

We all sat in silence, and it seemed like everyone was looking at me from the corner of their eyes.

"What do you think of the stories, Kate?" Sam asked, his eyes boring into mine.

This time, everyone did look at me. As in directly at my face. Even under their hard gazes I felt the thrill of the story still in my veins, and spoke without thinking.

"I thought it was amazing." I breathed. I smiled at Old Quil. "You're a really good storyteller."

"Thank you." He shifted, and then shakily got to his feet. "All right, young lot." He reached for his walking stick. "It's time for you all to skidaddle to bed!"

The atmosphere changed into a happier one. The kids whined as they we led off to their cars, yawning despite their protests. Leah didn't say a word to me as she led me back to the car, starting the engine with a firm turn of the key.

"How many times have you heard the stories?"

The question fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. Leah's eyes flickered to me in the rear-view mirror.

"A lot of times." She stated shortly, her hands tightening visibly on the wheel.

I watched her as she drove silently on, the passing streetlights casting her face into constant shadow and light.

The stories had struck a chord in me. In the silence of the car I wished I could have that kind of responsibility; the power to transform into a creature that defended its people.

But as Leah cut the engine and slammed the car door shut, I was brought back from my musings.

It was just a story. Nothing more.

Sighing softly, I got out of the car and followed Leah inside.

* * *

**Review?**

**xx**


	6. The Eyes are the Key

**I'M BACK, BABY!**

**Many, many apologies - life sucked majorly for a while, and it took me a while to get back on my feet.**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

* * *

My first day of school in America wasn't so bad – it was a typical first day of school, waking up at 6 AM, nabbing the shower first before frantically finding decent clothes to wear, debating whether to have a big or small breakfast then running out of the door with the others, Sue's excited voice wishing us well. When Leah parked the car in the meagre car park and disappeared after locking the doors, Seth gallantly pointed out the different buildings, explaining which ones were Science, Music, English...ect. The Quileute students followed me with their eyes, whispers already starting as we passed. Thankfully, they didn't stare too much. The eyes that followed me weren't scornful, or hating, but merely interested curiosity.

"Come on," Seth tilted his head, mindful not to touch me. "Office is this way."

As I trotted slowly after him, I clutched my light bag tighter and concentrated on breathing. _Calm down._

The lady behind the desk barely glanced at me as she handed me my schedule. I shifted through the papers, frowning at the lack of information.

"Where's the map?"

"Map?" She snapped, her eyes flashing to meet mine behind her glasses.

I swallowed, almost taking a step back. "It's...it's just that usually in a new school students are given a map..."

"Not in this one – it's too small." She scoffed, then turned to stare at her screen again, her fake nails tapping loudly against the keyboard. I looked at Seth, who gave a helpless shrug then beckoned me out of the office. I stood in the hall almost awkwardly as Seth held out his hand. "Let's see your schedule." He offered cheerfully.

A bell rang while he was inspecting the schedule, and hordes of students appeared from the different doors and hallways. The familiar noises, skidding of feet on laminate floors, the shouts and bouts of laughter, the playful joking of friends...all of it bought me back to my old school, and I stiffened, breathing in harshly.

"Kate? Kate?"

Even in the horrified daze I was in, I was perfectly aware of Seth's hand hovering over my shoulder, the freakish heat so close to my skin I cringed away.

"Breathe." I whispered, staring at my shaking hands. "Breathe!" The last word was harsh even to my own ears, but I needed a firm reminder that I wasn't to freak out on Seth.

My racing heart slowed, and I took one last reassuring breath before turning to face Seth, plastering a fake smile on my face. "Sorry!" I chirped. I sounded so fake, so plastic, so unlike myself. "What classes do you have with me?"

"Um...I have none with you; I'm only in the 10th grade." He told me quietly. "You're with the other guys in 11th grade."

"Oh."

There was an awkward pause before Seth handed me back my schedule, and after a moment's hesitation led me to my homeroom. As I entered the classroom and saw the endless rows of desks, I stopped walking, feeling all the blood drain from my face.

"Hey, Mr Howard." Seth greeted the teacher cheerfully. "This is Katie..."

"Kate." The words passed out of my mouth without thought.

"Kate, then." Seth continued without pausing. "She's staying with us for a while, and she's new here."

"Well, that's great." Mr Howard beamed. "Always nice to receive a new student! Here, Kate, why don't you take a seat? There's a few at the back."

I nodded and smiled before making my way to my seat, trying to avoid the curious eyes. It was only when I met a pair of melting brown orbs I stumbled, and Jacob's arms caught me before I broke my nose on the hard floor.

"Hey," He greeted me quietly.

I shot up and shook myself out of his arms, looking around for a seat. There were none. Until I turned around and saw the only possible seat...next to Jacob.

Crap.

I took it and put my bag between us, the smallest barrier I could possibly create between us. He noticed, his eyebrows lifting in surprise before inexplicable hurt flashed in his eyes. I winced and kept my head down, feeling strangely disappointed in myself.

I fell into a daze, desperate to ignore the heated gaze I could practically feel boring into my skull. Time passed in eons, and I put my head down on the desk, the cool wood soothing.

Another bell rang, and everyone stood up, hurrying to their classes. I tried to join them, but the sheer mass of people made me stop and clench my fists, fighting the panic attack. When I relaxed I realised Jacob was still beside me, radiating heat.

"May I see your schedule?" He asked softly.

I handed it to him. I couldn't help but stare at his face. His face wasn't perfect – far from it. His eyebrows were wonky and as he read his lips parted, showing a slightly chipped front tooth. But these imperfects added to his beauty, his face looking like a finely carved wood figure or maybe a statue...._no_. I dismissed the idea before it had even penetrated my consciousness. Statues were perfect, cold, hard sculptures of stone. But Jacob screamed warmth and the forest, constant movement and mischief.

Jacob just seemed to represent _life_.

"Ahem..."

His amused chuckle drew me out of my staring, and I flushed.

"I have most of my classes with you, apart from English. I have Chemistry." He told me, a smile gracing his lips. "We have Woodmanship now."

"Woodmanship?" I asked before I could stop myself. "That's an actual class here?"

Jacob grinned, his whole face lighting up. I couldn't help but stare – at that precise moment, he just seemed so _happy_.

"Yup." He said happily. "Let's go before we get into trouble – new student or not."

He led me up some stairs and through a corridor. Between two classrooms there was a door marked _Janitor_. As we passed it my hand shot up to grab his swinging elbow, my nails digging into his skin. Jacob started, but didn't say anything. I tried to keep my breathing under control, but it was an impossible task.

"Kate?" Jacob whispered, his other hand coming up to cover my own. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, trying to calm down, but I couldn't. I felt a panic attack coming on, and it was because of a _damned closet._

"Calm down!" I hissed at myself, unaware I was dragging Jacob down the corridor. We rounded a corner and then I collapsed, curled up in a ball by the wall. I felt Jacob's hand touch my hair, but I burrowed further into the darkness, my heart pounding in my ears. The darkness blossomed into colour, and I gritted my teeth, whimpers escaping. _No, no, no, please, don't...._

* * *

"_Let GO!"_

_The man laughed, dragging Lucy by the hair. She screamed, and I struggled from where I was being restrained, kicking and wiggling._

_The man looked around, still holding the struggling girl, before spotting the janitors closet. He grinned, a wild, feral grin, before throwing it open, dropping Lucy on the floor and kicking her into the closet. She scrambled backward on her back, her eyes wide and scared._

"_Lucy!" I screeched. "Luc–"_

_A hand covered my mouth, and a harsh voice spat in my ear, "Quiet!"_

_I ignored him, shouting through his hand and trying to escape. _

_Lucy stared up at the man, who laughed and clicked the safety off his gun._

"_When you see God," He told her calmly. "Tell Him I said hi."_

_And then he lifted the gun and shot Lucy in the head, cutting her off mid-scream._

_I froze._

_It was my very being had turned to ice. The world slowed down, and the laughing around me was dimmed by the roaring I heard in my ears. I stared at the lifeless body, the blood splattered all around the closet like a bad horror movie._

_And when my captor lifted his hand off my mouth, I started screaming in terrified horror._

* * *

"Kate?"

I lifted my head. Quil had joined Jacob, and they were now hunched over me, concern written all over their faces. Jacob's eyes held my own, and as we stared the tightness in my chest loosened.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel scared. Not because of them. My heartbeat was slowing down and my limbs were relaxing, releasing the tension I experienced during my flashback.

I wondered why the usual fear I felt of having people that close hadn't surfaced itself – I should be scared of how big and close they were. But I'm not.

I breathed calmly, a small smile tugging at my lips.

Maybe I was getting better after all.

"Kate?" Jacob asked again, his eyes wide. "Are you okay?"

I looked up at him, pursing my lips in thought. His face didn't change into a sneering grin, nor did it twist in hated malice. It stayed the same, the worried concern making itself known in the creased forehead and bitten lip.

I surprised both of them by letting out a small laugh. "Yeah." I pushed myself off the wall, the smile staying on my lips. "I think I'm going to be okay."

If they knew I wasn't only talking about what had just happened, they didn't show it. They both relaxed with matching grins of relief on their faces, making me stare.

I felt reassured...and...and comforted by their relief.

They seemed to _care_ for me – they _wanted_ to keep me safe.

And with this revelation, I realised that Jacob, Quil, Seth, Sue, Emily, Claire – were people I could trust, I could turn to for help. They weren't going to hit me, or hurt me, or leave me to face the world on their own. They were there to help me, to protect me, to make sure I had friends and that I was going through life okay. These few months have been terror filled and pain ridden, and it was myself who had been causing it, my mind keeping my in my own cage.

A few tears slid down my cheeks.

Somehow, I think I had found the key.

"Let's go." The words sprang to my lips, and I laughed again. "Come on! I don't want to miss my first ever lesson!"

And then I was dragging them down the corridor, feeling alive for the first time in months.

* * *

**Review? Pretty please my loverlies?**

**xx**


	7. Born Again

**Like I promised :D**

**Enjoy**

**x**

* * *

Ok. If you're thinking I was magically cured, that I could endure people touching me or mentioning what happened, you're wrong.

But I was getting better. Something happened that day, made me realize who I could trust, and how far away I actually was from Scotland.

They couldn't get me on the Quileute reservation.

I was _safe_.

It's been two weeks, and I know the change in me has been drastic. I actually smile now, and I'm more willing to talk. Although my nightmares haven't stopped, they're less – as if my newfound happiness is shielding me from the terrible monsters in my mind.

Emily comes round often, mostly to help me with the cream. My scars even look better – they're no longer so red and angry looking. I help Sue prepare tea now instead of hiding in my room, and when everyone comes round I either read on the staircase, listening to their banter, or stay in the kitchen. But never actually with them. The only time I do that is when we all eat together, and even then I have Jacob by my side.

Ah, Jacob.

No, I am not smiling stupidly into space. Jacob has just been...so amazing, so helpful. I feel like I trust him the most, despite our first impression. He makes me laugh, makes me forget that I'm ugly and ruined. Makes me hopeful that one day, maybe I'll have the lucky miracle to find a soulmate...

I snorted, bringing myself out of my reverie. I was in the middle of folding clothes in the laundry, sorting out the piles. _Sue's...Leah's...Mine...Jacob's....Seth's..._

_Jacob?_

I put down my jeans and snatched up the shirt I had seen Jacob wearing about a week ago. It was ratty and threadworm, but it was pretty cosy.

Unbidden, I pressed it to my face and sniffed, the scent of the forest and spice filling my lungs.

Then I threw it across the room, shocked at what I'd just done.

_No._ I told myself, resuming folding the clothes furiously. _Don't bother. He's beautiful. You're not. You're ugly. So why even try?_

I ignored the tears sliding down my face.

* * *

I do have bad days. These are the days were I feel lifeless and depressed, wishing the ground would swallow me up.

Today was one of those days.

It was Sunday. Seth and Leah were out somewhere, Sue and Emily had gone shopping, and I was left alone with all my homework done. I drifted around the house, wanting to do something. Anything.

My eye caught sight of a picture by the staircase, of a pair of dolphins splashing about in the grey sea by First Beach.

I needed to go for a swim.

As I stood by the waters edge, the huge t-shirt covering my swimsuit, I thought of how bad an idea this was. It was cold, and I was freezing before I'd even got into the water.

My biggest worry was whether the salt would sting my scars. Chlorine did – I knew that. But salt? I had no idea.

I had to do this – in my minds eye, I saw the disgusted faces of my old swimming team as I'd stripped off my clothes, revealing the healing scars. The barely concealed relief of the coach when I'd agreed to leave.

The pain I'd felt as not being able to swim.

My feet moved, and I took a running jump off a nearby rock, landing in the water and submerging myself. I froze from the cold; oh cold, so cold, so cold! And shot back out again. As I stood, shivering and gasping, I noticed something.

My scars didn't hurt.

Grinning so widely I think my cheeks split, I dived right in again.

* * *

When I arrived shome, I was happy; so happy I thought I could burst. However, when I arrived, I noticed Leah and – Paul, was it? – arguing fiercely.

"That's not the point, jackass!" She screeched. "If you hadn't of acted the hero, we would have caught that filthy bloodsucker!"

"Hey, not my fault. You were too busy whining about Sam to do anything; and someone had to."

"You _bastard_!" Leah started to shake really badly, her words coming out in a low snarl. "Get the fuck off my property."

"Gladly." Paul snorted and stalked off, not noticing me cowering in the doorway.

Leah stood for a few seconds before putting her face in her hands, breathing deeply. The shaking stopped, and her shoulders relaxed, dropping back down.

"Um...Leah?"

Her head whipped up to look at me.

"You okay?"

She was by me in an instant, gripping my shoulder. "What did you see?" She demanded.

"Let go!" I spat through gritted teeth, trying to dislodge her hand. It wasn't working. "You and Paul where arguing about getting something – sounded like an arcade game. Especially with the whole _bloodsucker_ thing."

Her grip loosened. "Yea." She laughed bitterly. "We went to Seattle today and...had some fun. Paul made a move that made us lose."

"Us?"

She jumped, like she hadn't noticed her slip. "Us? Oh, I meant me. Now, excuse me..." She pushed past me and ran outside, disappearing within seconds.

I stood for a few moments before shrugging, too happy to be really angry. "Meh."

I settled for a nice, relaxing bath.

Later than night, I curled up in bed, trying to get to sleep. Noises and voices from downstairs distracted me, and eventually I wandered downstairs to tell them to shut up.

I blinked. It was _everybody_.

Everyone was dressed in cutoffs or in Leah's case, a shift dress. All of them were sweaty and tired looking, wolfing down the food Sue constantly bought out from the kitchen. They all stared at me as I came down the stairs.

"Um..." Words left me, and I struggled to find them again. "Could you, uh...please be quiet? I'm...I'm trying to sleep."

Paul snorted. "Invest in some earplugs."

Jacob suddenly sprang up from the chair he'd been sitting on and sucker punched him so hard he fell over. He then turned to me and grinned, all bright and cheerful. "Sure." He assured me, his eyes warm. "Now go on, us big people need to talk."

"Just 'cos you're all freakishly tall..." I muttered under my breath so quietly there would have been no way from anyone to hear me.

But everyone did somehow. And pissed themselves laughing.

My ears red, I practically ran up the stairs.

"Hey...hey!" Jacob was right behind me as I stomped to my room. I tried to shut the door, but he blocked it with his hand. "Sorry." He apologised. "We've really good hearing."

"I want to sleep. Bugger off."

"So I can't stay and wow you with my bedtime story telling abilities?" He asked with all seriousness.

But there with this twinkle in his eye, a shining warmth that when I looked up into his eyes, was glowing with hope.

I couldn't say no.

"Sure." I shrugged, trying to seem indifferent. "Come in."

I pray to heavenly god there isn't a bra lying on the floor. _Or undies._

Thankfully, there wasn't. I curled back up on my bed while he took the desk chair, looking round the room.

"You've done it up good." He spun on the chair, the plastic creaking under his weight.

"Don't break my chair," I warned. "Um, yea. Sue helped."

He stopped spinning, clapping his hands together. "Right! Bedtime story."

"You were serious?" I was surprised, but what shocked me most was the automatic, I can't-stop-it smile that spread across my face. I couldn't _not_ smile.

If it were possible, his own grin widened. "Of course I was serious!" He gasped in mock horror. "I'm the best there is."

"I sit, waiting to be wowed." I told him. And again, I froze. The words I'd just spoke seemed to flow out so easily.

At the start, Jacob joked about, making me laugh and giggle. And then stare in bated breath as he told me a variation of the story Old Quill had told at the bonfire – it was about the pack, and how they worked together to kill the vampires. And then I was crying as he told the tale of a woman who loved her warrior so much she sent him away to defend the reservation, and when they met she was old and dying while he was young and scarred from years of fighting.

His eyes never lost their warmth, nor did his smile dim whenever he flashed his teeth. His low voice was soothing and calming, the endless stories going on and on as I slowly fell asleep. It was like my personal lullaby, made for me only so I could close my eyes.

And feel safe. Because that's what Jacob _is_.

And when I woke up, there was a piece of paper, with a big smiley face on it, clumsily drawn and lying on my desk chair.

I realized two things.

One, I had had no nightmares.

And two?

I liked Jacob. As in really, heart pounding, effortless smiling, and constant thinking about him like him.

And I was scared shitless.

* * *

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	8. Important!

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